I can't explain what's been happening to me lately, but suffice it to say, I've been shedding a lot of tears. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I can cry at the drop of a dime. Whether I'm happy, sad, angry, scared, excited, stressed, whatever. I'm crying right now as I write this. But, what's got me bothered is not that I've been crying a lot. What's bothering me is why I'm crying. It's all about revelations. Not the book of the Bible (which is actually Revelation, minus the "s"), but something revealed. The dictionary list it as "something revealed, especially a dramatic disclosure of something not previously known or realized". How screwed up must I be not to have previously realized things that were staring me right in the face for the longest time? It is hurting my heart to know that I've played such a significant role in this madness and if it weren't for some other madness (that had nothing to do with me) I would still be in the dark.
I know this probably doesn't make sense to anyone reading this, but I can't go any further into detail. The wound is too fresh. Maybe when I'm looking back on the scar, I'll be able to speak about this without getting teary-eyed. Maybe not.
The conundrum I'm faced with is this: Would I rather not have ever received my revelation and kept living in blissful and ignorant madness, or should I look at this revelation as a blessing, because I'm no longer ignorant anymore, even though it's putting me through the ringer?
